[HRD][Needing Deodorant][The Annual Checkup][The Date]

One day while walking downtown, a human resources woman was hit by a bus and was tragically killed. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an HR manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in" said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in" the Saint replied. "Actually, I think I've made up my mind.....I prefer to stay in Heaven",she said. "Sorry, we have rules....." And with that St. Peter put the consultant in an elevator and it went down-down-down to Hell. The doors opened and the HR manager found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow HR professionals that she had worked with. They were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute), and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. The HR manager was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates where St.Peter was waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in Heaven" he said. So the HR manager spent the next 24 hours lounging around on the clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it, her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her. "So, you've spent a day in Hell and you've spent a day in Heaven. Now you must choose your eternity" he said.The HR manager paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this. I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell." So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again the consultant went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up garbage and putting it in sacks for the evening meal. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her and laughed at her. "I don't understand," stammered the HR manager, "yesterday, I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable." The Devil looked at her and grinned, "that's because yesterday we were recruiting you, but today you're staff."

Needing Deodorant...

    A blonde woman walks into a chemist and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The assistant, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have.  The blonde, unfazed, assures the lady behind the counter that she has been buying the stuff from here on a regular basis, and would like some more. The shop assistant thinks for a minute, knowing full well that they don't stock, or have ever sold, such an item. She smiles at the thick blonde pillock and says, "One moment please, I will get the chemist."  The chemist looks at the blonde and says, "Can I help you miss?" "I would like to buy some bottom deodorant please," says the blonde. "I'm sorry," says the chemist, "we don't have any." "But I always get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container it comes in?"  "Yes!" Said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."  She returns with the container and hands it to the chemist who looks at it and says to the her "This is just a normal stick of under arm deodorant".   The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "To apply, push up bottom."

The Annual Checkup

   An 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.  "I've never been better!" he boasted."I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

     The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season.  But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally  grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him!  He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the  handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No."

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.

 A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and have "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,come on in" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious."  The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."